If “no meltdown at the family party” tops your holiday wish list, there are a few steps you can take to minimize temper tantrums and keep the fun and goodwill flowing throughout the holiday season.
Kimberly Sirl, a child psychologist at St. Louis Children’s Hospital, says she often hears from parents who feel a stocking-ful of stress around the holidays.
“Holidays are probably right up there with weddings as far as having traditions and expectations, and having the emotional pull for it to be perfect,” Sirl says.
So, lower your expectations. Try to think of a holiday gathering from a child’s perspective, and plan ahead.
1. Stick to a Schedule
Parents may be fine with not eating until 3 p.m. on Christmas, or visiting with family and friends until midnight, but many young children need to stick closely to their regular meal and bedtime routines.
“Know where your child is developmentally,” Sirl says.
Be OK with leaving parties earlier than you normally would, or declining some invitations if you feel your schedule is getting too booked.
2. Pack a Snack
Colette Nelson of Chicago has three children and 13 siblings. Her family parties are big, and food is key to her kids enjoying them. She typically feeds her children before parties because, by the time they get there, “there’s so much going on, they won’t eat.” And, kids who don’t eat can get cranky and develop headaches.
Nelson’s family’s party spreads often include cut-up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fruit and other substantial bite-sized foods so the kids don’t overindulge in chips and cookies.
3. Find a Quiet Place
If your children get overwhelmed easily and you’re planning to go to Aunt Sue’s party for 50 people, talk it through ahead of time. Let your children know that you’ll find a quiet spot, like a guest room, where they can color, read or listen to music.
4. Take Some Me-Time
Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Take walks, meditate or do something that will recharge you, says Sue DeCaro, a certified parent coach in Pennsylvania. Feeling refreshed and energized makes it easier for you to be there for your kids.
5. Talk to Your Teen
Some teens might think family parties are the worst way to spend a Saturday night. Tell them they’ll have some time during the weekend to hang out with their friends, but you have expectations for them, like being pleasant and not texting at the table, Sirl says. Encourage your teen to bring a board game to teach the other kids, or even the adults. Help them figure out ways to be helpful.
6. Ask for Help
Other guests can provide a change of scenery for antsy kids, Nelson says. Sometimes all it takes is a few minutes on an aunt’s lap to settle a child down. Ask an older cousin to go outside and shoot some hoops with the kids. Nelson says it’s nice to see a teenager take a younger cousin under his wing.
Encourage your child to get into conversation with the aunts and uncles. Ask children what they think would make a party more enjoyable; they may surprise you with their ideas, DeCaro says.
7. Encouraging Words
Finally, when you see your child doing well, “Amplify it,” DeCaro says. “You might say, ‘Wow, that’s so great you brought a game and you’re encouraging your cousins to play it.’ That’s important for children to hear.”
