Love is a many-splendored thing—or so they say.
There may be no time of year better suited to marvel at the magnitude of one’s love than Valentine’s Day. But whether you like or loathe the lover’s holiday, it serves as a reminder of the important role love plays in our emotional health.
“Love is one of those things that is a basic building block for wholeness,” says Sherri Williams, a therapist and licensed personal counselor in Pittsburgh. “It’s important to make the distinction that love is essential to our happiness and health— but that doesn’t have to be romantic love.”
We can be fulfilled by our love for others, our self, a pet or hobby. It could also be a spiritual connection, she says.
“We can’t touch love, but we know when we feel it, and we know when we share it, and we know when we long for it,” Williams says.
Those three little words
And when we feel love, expressing it provides us with a sense of connection and purpose. Expressions of love are beneficial for both the giver and receiver, but they’re not always easy.
“We don’t often know how to use that love in our hearts. People often turn inward, or to self-destructing relationships,” she says. “Some people equate expressing love with being vulnerable. They think it’s a sign of weakness. It’s a catch-22 for some.”
To express our love in a healthy way requires work and effort, Williams says. Examples of love we see on TV, in movies and in books make it look simpler than it is.
“It’s so glamorized and looks so easy, but it’s not,” she says. “The reality doesn’t match up with the bill of goods sold. It takes choice and intention to move in a loving direction.”
Loving yourself
For people looking for more love in their lives, Williams suggests focusing more on yourself.
“The more we take care of ourselves, the better off we are to move in a loving direction,” she says.
Pursue your passions, and figure out where you feel a sense of belonging.
“Pursue things that are grounding, like cooking, meditation or exercise,” she says. “Find a buddy to share gratitude with every day. Fill your tank, and share what you’ve got inside. And trust that you’re enough.”
People can also find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone in their apprehension, confusion or failures with love—particularly on Valentine’s Day.
“A great majority of people loathe Valentine’s Day,” Williams says. “It creates such anxiety in people, and brings up shame as people are comparing themselves (to others).”
If Williams had influence on the nature of Valentine’s Day, she says she would change it into a day that serves as a reminder to being loving toward yourself, family, friends, neighbors and fellow man.
“If only we could make Valentine’s Day truly about love, where no one falls short,” she says.
