Times have changed since you were in school. Kindergarten runs all day and technology takes center stage. But some things never change. Kids still want to feel like they belong. They want to succeed academically. They want to be recognized for who they are.
It’s a tough mission for parents, who want to help their children assimilate and succeed at school, but also give them room and encouragement to develop their unique personalities and talents. If your child is making the leap from one school environment to another this year, here are some ways you can ease the transition a bit.
What’s new: As kids move from kindergarten to first grade, their world opens up. They’ll make new friends and develop confidence through learning new skills or a sport. At this age, children need to master the building blocks that lay a foundation for lifelong learning.
What they should know: Children should arrive in first grade being able to recognize numbers and count from 1 to 20, and be able to add and subtract up to 5, says Cara Ardelean, who teaches first grade at Einstein Elementary in Oak Park, Mich. They should be able to name letters in the alphabet and know what their sounds are, and be able to read simple books with one sentence per page.
How you can help: If your child went to half-day kindergarten, this may be her first time in school all day. Some kids don’t adapt easily to change, so watch for signs of trouble such as loss of appetite, resisting going to school, not getting along with others or complaining of a stomachache out of the blue. Encourage your child to talk about the troubles instead of avoiding them.
“It’s important now to help children develop new skills such as how to express their feelings,” says Diane Wynne, is a school psychologist at Clara Barton #2 in Rochester, N.Y.
Learning to manage discomfort in new situations is a lifelong coping skill children need to learn, says Ardelean. Parents and teachers can recognize real signs of illness in a child, and when a tummy ache is a sign of something else.
“Set boundaries and don’t give in,” Ardelean says. “My rule of thumb is to have students wait until after lunch before I’ll send them home. Often, they’re just hungry.”
It’s also important for parents to develop a partnership with teachers. That way, if there’s an issue, you already have an established relationship.
“Parents need to team up with their kids’ teachers,” Ardelean says. “Of 26 students, I only had 14 whose parents came in for parent-teacher conferences last year. At this age, I should be meeting with all of them.”
What’s new: Whether it’s called middle school or junior high, the next school stage is one marked by rapid physical and emotional growth, along with the moodiness of puberty. Your newly minted teen is no longer “top dog,” but a confused rookie, navigating his way in a bigger school with multiple classes and a rotating schedule.
Measuring performance becomes more important at this level, according to an American Psychological Association article on middle school malaise. Elementary school tends to be more task-oriented with the goal being mastery of certain skills, such as addition or subtraction. In middle and junior high schools, mastery is important, but attaining a certain grade is the goal.
What’s tough about it: “The biggest obstacle kids face moving up from elementary school is that there is less structure,” says school social worker Elena Diaz, who works with seventh- and eighth-graders at James Monroe High School in Rochester, N.Y. “In elementary school, you walk in lines with a teacher. Now, the kids are on their own between classes. Some can handle the freedom, some can’t.”
Kids who have a tough time adjusting to a looser structure might be chronically late for class, or forget books and materials in her locker. To help, Diaz might initiate a buddy system, enlisting a student’s friend to help her stay accountable.
How you can help: Parents can help by preparing kids for what to expect. Before summer ends, take a walk through the school to find classrooms and meet teachers. Let them practice opening their locker.
Accountability will be important academically as well, says school counselor Anna Chough, who works with students in grades six to eight at Pittsburgh Classified Academy. Parents and teachers must work together to set clear expectations, and enforce consequences for not meeting them.
“If a student’s behavior isn’t up to par, a kid might blame the teacher or someone else. But when you hold him accountable, you see a positive change in academics.”
Help them connect lessons to real-world experience. Discuss current events, and have your child calculate tips or tax.
Students are reading more challenging material and developing critical analysis skills at this age, so they’ll learn to argue persuasively and will use it against you to push boundaries. Help your child do that safely by encouraging positive risk-taking, such as trying activities that take them out of their comfort zone.
“Acknowledge and praise the effort and courage it takes to try something new,” says family counselor Cheryl Somers in her article “Tips for Parents on a Successful Transition to Middle School.”
What’s new: High school is the last leg of your child’s academic journey before she’s launched into the adult world of work or higher education. There will be a lot of academic ground to cover and more social milestones to celebrate. They must focus on planning their classes and credits for graduation, and refine their organization and process skills.
What they should know: According to ParenttToolKit.com, freshmen should know how to read critically. They’ll be expected to demonstrate more sophisticated analytical skills and writing ability across the curriculum.
What’s crucial now: Learning how to study is an incredibly important skill for students to learn in high school. Once they reach college, they won’t have nearly as much teacher or parent involvement, and it’ll be up to them to manage their work.
This is also the age when children’s social peers become extremely important. They will spend a lot of time with friends, making decisions that could affect the rest of their lives.
How you can help: Teach your kids to be organized, says Lety Murphy, mother of six children ages 3 to 18. Being disorganized hurt her 16-year-old’s grades when he was a sophomore. Jason will be a junior this year and his 14-year-old sister, Summer, will be a freshman.
“Summer is nervous about staying organized, too,” says Murphy, of Alton, Ill. “So we’ll work on a system to keep them on track with homework that needs to be done and papers that need to go back.”
Murphy encourages her kids to take advanced placement classes, not only for the academic challenge, but also for social value.
“Summer is very bright. Taking honors classes will help her make the transition to high school easier because she’ll be with like-minded kids,” Murphy says.
Murphy also has Summer and Jason involved in Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (JROTC), which she likes for its community service and close camaraderie.
Your teens are busy and more independent now, with after-school jobs, volunteer work, sports and clubs. But resist the urge to put your parenting on autopilot. At this delicate time in their lives, they need you around more than ever. Murphy works from home and says that gives her time to be around her kids, know what they’re up to and talk to them.
“You have to pay attention to your kids,” she says.
The big day has arrived! Your child is graduating from high school and going to college or directly into the workforce. She might think she’s ready to take on the world, but your job isn’t over. There are still ways parents can help their son or daughter move forward.
What they should know: By the time they’re seniors, they should have solid study and time management skills, says Gerard Hopkins, school counselor at Charlotte High School in Rochester, NY. If they don’t, managing a more rigorous college course load is going to be tough.
How you can help: Encourage your child to develop self-discipline now. Their success is in their hands. There won’t be anyone checking up on them daily, reminding them to get to class or do their homework.
According to the American Psychological Association, willpower may be even more important than IQ when it comes to predicting academic success. Train your child to give their willpower a boost by removing distractions, including silencing their phone and logging out of social media and instant messaging.
Even college students often have to work, so your teen needs to learn workplace skills, Hopkins says. He works with students to prepare and role-play job interviews.
“They need to know how to dress for interviews, how to write a resume and cover letter,” he says.
Knowing what to expect is a good idea at any age. If your child is going away to school, visit the campus before the semester starts and help him move in. Point out where he can get academic, social and mental health support if he needs it.
