Every now and then, I see a story come through a wire service that intrigues me to the point where I need to know more.

For instance, an Associated Press story on Tuesday reported that three males — ages 17, 17 and 18 — covered a home and two cars with cheese slices.

I have so many questions.

Other than the obvious — why — I want to know what kind of cheese this was. American? Pre-wrapped slices? Did they take the plastic off the slices first? What did they do with the plastic — litter, or take it with them?

Was the cheese yellow or white?

How long did it take?

When police say “covered” with cheese, how much cheese are they talking about? I was never terribly good at math, but I’m sure someone who is could use the size of a slice of cheese and figure out how many it would take to cover a car and a home.

This is something I want to know. Badly.

Where did the cheese come from? Did they buy it? How much did it cost?

Why cheese? I can recall seeing lots of stories over the years about people defacing the property of others with various items — spray string, toilet paper, eggs, spray paint. But what were these folks thinking when they selected cheese?

Was it a spur-of-the-moment decision? I suppose the homeowner is lucky they didn’t hurl a wheel of cheddar into a window.

It seems there was a great deal of pre-planning put into this prank. I called the state police barracks in Girard, where this took place, to get more information. Sadly, there was a bad snowstorm going on and no one had time to talk about cheese.

I was left feeling bleu.

The helpful Police Communications Operator did offer to send me the news release on the cheese caper. It didn’t reveal a lot more details, although it said the cheese was thrown at the home and vehicles. So I guess that means it wasn’t artfully arranged, as I had hoped.

I keep trying to picture this in my head. I was hoping for something like the Mona Lisa — the Muenster Limberger?

I tried to find more information from the district judge’s office in Girard, but without the names of the perpetrators, I was unsuccessful. One might say my request was not worth Edam.

The news release said the perpetrators were charged with disorderly conduct. I suppose dairy abuse is not part of the Pennsylvania Crimes Code.

I am curious, too, as to what the 40-year-old female victim of this prank had done to cheese off these not-very-sharp hooligans. And when they did it, did they loudly declare “Cheese the day?”

Did the cheese do lasting damage? In Erie in December, I am doubting it melted. Still, cleaning it up might prove a hassle.

I hope that was part of the punishment for the young men. It likely would be less fun to clean it up than it would be to throw it.

There are so many puns that could be made here, but I don’t want to be too cheesy.

In all seriousness, though, I cannot fathom what one might think when planning something of this nature. I’m sure as a child most of us did, or at least thought about, some vandalism — breaking windows on an abandoned shack, carving a name into a tree or railing, maybe writing on a bathroom wall. (Not me, Mom. Nope. I’m innocent.)

But cheese? When they were deciding to get up to no gouda, were they feta up with traditional choices?

Alas, it appears my questions will go unanswered for today. I should just let it brie.

(Marcie Schellhammer is the Era’s assistant managing editor. She can be reached at marcie@bradfordera.com)