DEAR ABBY: I am twice divorced and recently celebrated my 61st birthday. I look pretty fantastic, and I’m in great health. My husbands were really great guys, and I have maintained positive relationships with both. My first marriage lasted 20 years; the second lasted 10. I have been flying solo for the last five years. I love my life and lifestyle and have no desire to marry again. I like having my own space and the freedom to do as I please.

My dilemma is, while I’m open to dating and having companionship, the men I connect with online all want to be married! As soon as I tell them I’m not looking for marriage, they disappear. Recently, I was literally hung up on in mid-conversation because of my response to the marriage question. How can I get to the “let’s meet in person” part if the first or second phone conversation ends things because I’m being honest? I don’t want to lie.

It’s challenging trying to explain that I no longer believe I must be married in order to feel fulfilled. I have family and wonderful friends in my life, plus I’m very outgoing. I admit that I do miss some aspects of being in an exclusive relationship. It’s just that I’m not trying to be a Mrs. anymore. Third time’s the charm … NOT! Please advise. — STOPPING AT TWICE IN TEXAS

DEAR STOPPING: I hear from so many women who have the opposite problem that you are having. As soon as they indicate that they ARE interested in marriage, the men head for the hills. You either haven’t met the right men yet, or you may be delivering your disinterest in marriage message too strongly. You might have better luck if you specify what you DO want — which appears to be companionship and a monogamous relationship. 

DEAR ABBY: I need advice about my daughter. She is in an abusive marriage. Her four boys, aged 3 to 12, have been affected by what is going on. They are not properly disciplined and are being abused as well. Her husband is on drugs and abuses my daughter mentally and physically in front of the children.

Should I keep letting her take my grandsons back to a bad situation, or should I call child protective services? This is tearing me up inside. We are not young enough to handle caring for the kids full time because they’re so messed up. They’d end up in foster care. What should I do? My daughter would probably lose her mind if she lost them, but I can’t stand to see them suffer. — ALARMED IN MISSOURI

DEAR ALARMED: There may be a less drastic solution than calling child protective services. The next time the husband acts out, call the police. Once he’s out of the house, help your daughter find a battered women’s shelter that will accept her and her children until she can become independent. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-7233, thehotline.org, may be able to help you locate one. This would be better than turning your grandchildren over to strangers.

(Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.)