WASHINGTON (TNS) — On a typical day, Donald Trump’s word is about as good as Gollum’s claim he wouldn’t try to steal back his “precious” in Lord of the Rings. Monday was not even as good as a typical day since the trial balloon of 100% tariffs on foreign films had about the same lifespan as an Uruk assaulting the walls of Helm’s Deep.

Before Press Secretary Saruman reversed course, I was going to point out that it was not Frodo’s fault that Mount Doom happens to be a volcano in New Zealand. Sauron’s, I mean, Trump’s planned tariffs would have hit that series of movies like Smaug after Bilbo pilfered his Lonely Mountain lair (also in New Zealand).

What’s worse is there is no need for them. America sits atop the global culture like a colossus. Indeed, mighty Hollywood’s movie studios are not weak competitors in need of protection, they’re the aggressors that the rest of the world fears.

America, a cultural superpower as much as a military and economic one, has a mutant ability no other nation can match. America can launch a product like Lord of the Rings with British intellectual property, a studio as iconic as Warner Bros. and a partner as far flung as kiwi-owned WingNut Films to deliver butts into movie theaters on six continents.

We are the modern-day deadly sin of cultural appropriation brought to life. To make Cinderella, America’s Disney brought together fairytale elements from France, China and Greece to produce a classic beloved across the globe. Now, there’s a princess for every shade of Homo Sapiens launched with movies stolen from the lore of what seems like every country on earth. Hollywood can turn domestic American Schlock like Fast and Furious into a multi-film seven billion dollar global bonanza.

That’s not to say Trump’s tariff idea might not be justified by the bad behavior of our trading partners. America’s creative industries have an economic impact of $504 billion, equivalent to the GDP of Sweden or Austria. The rest of the world is so overwhelmed with a diet of American entertainment that country after country has imposed domestic content requirements for movie theaters, radio stations and streamers alike. But even then they can’t force their citizens to watch or listen to their native content. Trump’s movie tariff idea isn’t the first foray of the glamour industries into socialism for the rich and powerful. Somehow, Hollywood has conned state after state into subsidizing movie-making within their borders. Republicans sell it as a source of parochial pride while Democrats deem it innovative progrowth policy. If you can believe it, California subsidizes Hollywood to make movies in Hollywood. If there need to be tariffs, Trump should slap them on Georgia, which has made big inroads onto California turf.

Back in the lands of Middle Earth, Trump’s tariff idea wouldn’t have many backers. As much as they fuss and quarrel the lands of men, elves, dwarves and hobbits need each other. Rohan should ride to the rescue of Gondor.

Rather than impose tariffs on global upstarts that occasionally get heard over the American loudspeaker, we should celebrate the popularity of Bollywood ( India), K-Pop ( Korea), Harry Potter ( United Kingdom) and Godzilla (Japan) because it won’t be long before we are selling their culture back to them. Even now Brits have to come to America to ride a Harry Potter roller coaster just like they had to wait for Hollywood to make their hairy-footed hobbits into global heroes. For the latest riff on the national security threat of Mordor, fans have to pay American Amazon.

(David Mastio is a national opinion columnist for McClatchy and the Kansas City Star.)