PORTVILLE, N.Y. – In our culture and society, certain words, phrases and ideas come and go.

One I’ve been noticing lately is the notion of being seen or feeling seen. I’m trying to sort out what, exactly, that means.

Last year I watched ‘The Golden Bachelorette.’ It was the second season for the franchise that previously married off a senioraged bachelor — a union that apparently hasn’t worked out, like so many on these TV reality dramas.

They are dramas, often melodramatic since on reality shows, most anything goes.

The producers actually want it to and the more outrageous the better. From my boomer perspective, participants ‘let it all hang out,’ one of those phrases we used back in the day.

The second run included a charming woman named Joan. A widow in her golden years, she was in search of a companion for her remaining years. The twenty- some suitors were rather quickly winnowed down to a manageable number who returned each week after a rose ceremony where a few were given the boot.

One of the top bachelors for Joan was a man who stood out on prom night, an occasion Joan chose for one of her group dates.

The date named Jonathan became emotional remembering the circumstances surrounding his own high school prom night, a dance he didn’t get to attend. He shared this hurt with the bachelorette, all on camera. She then chose him as her prom king.

I’m sharing this because it became one of the first times I started noticing the use of the notion of being seen. The man told Joan singling him out validated him that night, made him feel seen when he hadn’t felt that way in a long time, if ever. It was a touching moment, though she didn’t pick him in the end.

A TV spot for Tunnel2Towers Foundation currently airs showing a youngish widow, mother of five children, talking about her military husband who perished from diseases stemming from burn pits in Iraq and Afghanistan. With emotion, she says, ‘I feel seen,’ noting the generosity of the charitable foundation that pays mortgages for spouses of military or first responder members lost while on duty or from connected disorders.

The woman adds that it helps to know somebody noticed her (and others left behind), and how she feels like someone saw that her husband’s military service counted for something.

My ears are keen to the phrase at the moment, zeroing in when I hear it used, which has been quite a lot in a variety of circumstances. I don’t think it’s a cliché yet, as many such catch-phrases can become. I think it’s indicative of a hunger we have as human beings.

To be noticed. To be seen. To make a difference in some way and not be taken for granted.

We used to hear that people attended social events ‘to see and be seen,’ whether it was a high school dance or a high society event. Sort of a ‘who was there’ celebrity spot by ordinary people to be a bigger part of something in life.

Some do charitable works so others will know and admire them.

Some do it intentionally in secret, as the Bible recommends.

Either way, God knows. He sees.

But to feel seen, I think, is more about the notion of awareness.

No one wants to go through life feeling invisible, at least not most people unless they are hiding from something. We want to be a part of bigger things. We want to feel validated, valued, included, needed and loved. It’s a pretty universal condition, actually, whether we admit it up front or not.

We can validate others by acknowledging their experiences, emotions, thoughts, actions and viewpoints, even if we do not share them. This is one of the problems with how divided our society has become. Just because we do not all share the same view, it shouldn’t mean we can’t acknowledge another’s position or perspective — or listen to them.

It can also be about having a little empathy, even if our experience is different. In turn, of course, we always hope others will understand we have good reasons for feeling the way WE do. It should be an exchange of ideas and even beliefs in a safe environment where everyone’s opinion matters, one where each person is seen.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen.

With all the bad things going on in the world, with all the division, it is a shame when someone feels they or their contributions don’t matter or that they are invisible. Some may go the extreme to ensure someone notices, however, and do outrageous things, like the contestants on those reality shows.

We can help each other be seen.

We can offer a kind comment, compliment or just an acknowledgment of someone else’s presence, contribution or existence.

We can see — and feel seen — as we choose to actively engage with those sharing this crazy condition called life.

(Contact contributor Deb Wuethrich at deborahmarcein@gmail. com)

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