Angie and I are not quite true empty nesters. Our oldest son Sam is finishing up graduate work at St. Bonaventure and student teaching at an area school, and he has lived at home during the semester.
But because of our busy schedules and some late nights at the office on my part, literally days go by that we do not see each other. An out-of-town girlfriend means he’s away a lot — including this week.
Younger brother Ben, some might be surprised to learn, is in the U.S. Army. His path leading to the decision that he wants to serve was unexpected, but the decision was not made lightly and we respect — admire, even — his thought process in determining for himself what he wants to do with his life.
What it all means for the parents is, for the first time since Sam was a baby, Angie and I are on our own for Thanksgiving Day.
Oh, both our sons have been away for extended periods of time, Sam at college and for work and Ben at prep school. A couple of years ago, Sam’s college basketball team was in Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving.
But this is the first time that at least one of the boys will not be with us for Thanksgiving. (Christmas is up in the air, too — Sam appears headed for China on a teaching excursion and as of today we’re not sure about Ben’s availability.)
Empty nest indeed.
But I find myself a little surprised at how well Angie and I have taken it all (at least, for Angie’s part, as well as she SEEMS to be taking it). Of course we would be thrilled to have both boys with us during the holidays, but we spent much of our adult lives preparing them — and to an extent ourselves — for striking out on their own in a world where parents aren’t always the focus of existence.
We could never take for granted any time we spend with our sons, but we’ve long understood that these times would come. New stages in life, new interests, new commitments and responsibilities — they all come into play as a family grows, matures and figures out that stage of staying close and supportive when the children are adults and living their own lives.
One thing that actually helps, I believe, is the fact that Angie and I have never been busier or had more responsibility with our respective work. A quieter house right now, in some ways, is not wholly unwelcome.
The other night we almost marveled at the fact that we were quietly sitting together on the couch in the TV room, Angie under her blanket and jamming her feet against my leg in her constant attempt to warm her toes. No extra work to catch up on. No extra laundry to do, no need to get up and fix what Angie calls “third dinner” for the hungry “Baby Birds.”
Of course, the time will soon come when jumping up to make a dinner or snack, of making a son feel at home again as if he never left it, will be one of older life’s great pleasures. But some quiet times to ourselves have been relaxing.
And we are not by ourselves today.
We will be gathered with friends and family, enjoying the tradition of great food and football, perhaps a brisk hike in the woods. Angie will “bust a move” with her sister at 5 a.m. or so — door-busting on Black Friday and a pancake breakfast.
I will take our nephew on an outing to help him cope with the fact that his dad is also away with the Army, in Germany, this Thanksgiving. We have military in the family, but I understand far more than ever today what it means to have a loved one, in uniform, away on Thanksgiving.
We’ll say prayers for them, and give thanks for everyone’s continued health and safety.
And look forward to when we can be together again.
(Jim Eckstrom is executive editor of the Olean Times Herald and the Bradford Publishing Co. newspapers. His email is jeckstrom@oleantimesherald.com.)
