By JIM ECKSTROM
Some years ago a young man walked into the newsroom to fill out the form to have the birth of his girlfriend’s baby put in the paper. At the time, the hospital reported new births for listing in the paper if the parents were married — if not, the father had to sign a form before the birth would be listed with both parents’ names.
The young man — too young, in my admittedly conservative judgment — had the bearing of someone who was pleased and proud over being a father, like he had actually accomplished something. Older and, I liked to believe at the time, plenty wiser about fatherhood, I remember thinking to myself, “Dude, you’ve done the easy part. Now the real work begins.”
To be fair, there was absolutely no reason to believe the kid wasn’t going to be all in and fulfill his responsibilities for his part in bringing a child into this world.
He was stepping up, declaring his status as the father. That was something.
In any case, around Father’s Day, I’ve often recalled that episode — and I’ve wondered how things worked out for that young man and his family.
Because it’s well-documented how important fathers — and to be more specific, strong father figures — are to the well-rounded, healthy development of any child. Being married to the mother of one’s child or children doesn’t automatically make one a good father, just as being unmarried itself can never exclude a dad from being successful at helping to raise a child.
And some of the best “fathers” I have met or observed are unmarried, or actually grandfathers, stepdads, uncles or even mentors who have somehow assumed a role of father figure to a child or young person.
The critical factor is the commitment, the time any father or father figure puts in to truly make a difference.
I read a great commentary in the Miami Herald by Bevone Ritchie, a parenting expert with The Children’s Trust, on the importance of strong father figures.
She writes that active participation by a man in the household, from the very beginning, makes for a healthier baby — and mother. Children with an involved male role model tend to be more prepared for school than those who don’t, and they also are more likely to achieve higher levels of career and economic success.
Male caregivers help foster well-rounded children, Ritchie writes. Women tend to be more comforting and protective, feeding a child’s emotional and spiritual sides, while men are often strong, playful and loud, encouraging a more risk-taking and laid-back attitude. They help bolster a child’s confidence, as those with actively involved fathers or father figures tend to grow up tougher and better able to deal with stress.
“They raise strong men,” Ritchie writes. “As the first standard of masculinity in a child’s life, young boys learn firsthand how to treat women based on the behavior of the men around them, and many of us grow up emulating our parents’ relationships — with each other and those close to them. So, if kids see parents treat each other and others with respect, they learn to do the same.”
And father figures help raise strong women.
“Girls who grow up having a close bond with a father or other positive male role model often possess a more positive self-image and tend to be more ambitious in their careers,” Ritchie writes. “Young women with engaged fathers also enjoy increased levels of self-esteem.”
Families, more than ever, come in all shapes and sizes — certainly the traditionally viewed unit with married mother and father is not the only form in which a healthy, loving family can be found.
But, as “maleness” has taken something of a beating in the past year — plenty of it for good reason — we can’t marginalize the importance of caring, strong men in the lives of children.
In this time of Father’s Day, give appreciation to all who fulfill that role.
(Jim Eckstrom is executive editor of Bradford Publishing Co. His email is jeckstrom@oleantimesherald.com.)
