Every once in awhile, someone or something comes along that makes you question all that you know. And every once in awhile, someone or something comes along that gives you the boost you need to get by.
I chalk it up to divine providence.
A few years back, I was having a rough day at the office. I was pretty angry — of course, now I can’t remember why. I stopped in our company’s break room. A gentleman from our press room happened to be there at the same time.
“Hey there, lady,” he said to me, speaking in a slow drawl for which he is known. “What’s got you so hot under the collar?”
I told him a little bit of what was happening. He shook his head and said, “Well, little lady, you’ve got to remember when you hold on to anger, the only one you’re hurting is yourself.”
I stopped in my tracks, and turned to look at this man — covered in splotches of ink from his job — and realized he was exactly the person I was meant to speak to at that moment. That was exactly the message I needed to hear.
Many years ago, when we were struggling with getting my daughter’s pain condition diagnosed, there were days when things looked bleak and hopeless. She and I were getting ready to leave the house one day, and we were arguing because she couldn’t find a bookmark. I was frazzled, and ready to break down in tears. I stopped at the end of the driveway to grab the mail. In it was a card for my daughter from my brother who lives in Arizona.
He sent her a bookmark.
I did cry then.
I give you these examples for several reasons, the first of which is this — little blessings are there if you look for them. A rainbow, a colorful bird, a call out of the blue from an old friend, a by-chance meeting at a grocery store with someone you’ve been meaning to call, a compliment on a blouse, someone waiting to hold the door for you, a smile from a stranger.
The second is this — be the kind of person who offers a shoulder or a kind word to another. You never know what a kind word from you might mean to someone fighting demons you can’t see.
A Chinese man, Chen Si, rides his scooter about 12 miles from his home every weekend to the Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge, a frequent spot for suicides. Chen goes there to talk to troubled souls to keep them from killing themselves. He has saved more than 300 people. He’s known as the Angel of Nanjing. He doesn’t have any formal training; he does this because he cares.
Two local universities have psychology students who help Chen, and provide free counseling to those in need.
We should all care enough about our fellow man to reach out to someone who is hurting. I have never been suicidal, but I have been depressed.
There are several people in my life who have suffered from bouts of suicidal thoughts. And I’ve lost a family member to suicide. We had no idea it would happen.
We see in the news when celebrities kill themselves — designer Kate Spade and chef Anthony Bourdain are two recent examples. What we don’t see is when our peers do the same.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, above things like cirrhosis of the liver and hypertension.
For every suicide, there are 25 attempts. On average there are 123 suicides a day.
The most common reasons for suicide or attempts are depression, hopelessness, fear, perfectionism, regrets, mental illness, stress, a traumatic experience, bullying and unemployment.
There is much we can do to help. Get involved. Reach out to treatment facilities like Bradford Regional Medical Center or The Guidance Center to see if there are opportunities to volunteer.
When someone wants to talk, listen.
There’s a mental health crisis intervention hotline in McKean County — (800) 459-6568 or 362-4623. A mental health professional can help.
Look up the signs of suicidal behavior. If you are concerned about a friend, reach out. Maybe other friends or family haven’t seen the same signs that you have. Speak up.
You just might save a life.
(Schellhammer is the Era’s associate editor. She can be reached at marcie@bradfordera.com)
