OLEAN, N.Y. — For Beth Boser and her mother, Kathy, grief still floats to the surface uninvited when a memory of their beautiful, little Noah is brought up.
Noah’s mother, Beth Boser, and grandmother, Kathy Boser, have helped their own healing, and that of others who have lost a child, with the annual Worldwide Candle Lighting ceremony.
Locally, the 15th annual event is slated to begin at 6:30 p.m. Sunday at the Olean First Baptist Church Fellowship Hall on South Union Street. All area and regional residents are welcome to attend. Candles will be provided as well as refreshments.
The event was organized in 2002 by Beth and Kathy Boser just months after 7-month-old Noah died at the hands of a sitter in an Olean daycare center. The woman was later found guilty in causing the child’s death and sentenced to serve time in jail.
Overwhelmed with grief following Noah’s death, Beth Boser asked her mother if they could stage the candle lighting ceremony in Olean to help them cope with the crushing loss of her firstborn child. Kathy Boser recalled her initial reluctance to the request.
“As a parent, I wanted to fix this, but that was out of my hands,” Kathy Boser said of the family tragedy. “So if there was anything I could do to provide my daughter some comfort, while at the same time honoring Noah, I agreed.”
The event was first held in the gazebo in Lincoln Park, but the brisk December weather was hard on older people who attended. Despite that, the event was soothing to participants.
“There was something to be said about listening to music, accompanied by guitar playing, and lighting candles that first year that soothed our spirit,” Kathy Boser remembered. “The outcome was overwhelmingly positive and we found there was no better way to honor and remember our Noah — and the other children gone too soon. There was comfort in saying their names out loud.”
In later years, the event was moved to the nearby Baptist Church, where it has been held ever since. Beth Boser, who has been a preschool Head Start teacher the past seven years, now has two other boys, Connor, 13, and Colton, 10. She said her sons frequently talk about their older brother, who would have been 15 this year. She said during his brief life, Noah was a happy baby who never cried.
“Colton is always including (Noah) in his prayers every night, he’s sweet,” Beth Boser shared. “He’s always saying he hopes that Noah looks over us and keeps us safe.”
Along those lines, Beth Boser said she also makes angel care packages called “On Noah’s Wings” that she sends to families that have lost a child. The packages contain gifts, poems and stories that can help a family cope.
In addition, she and her mother conduct the annual Children’s Day ceremony each year in a special memorial garden at Franchot Park off South Union Street. The ceremony is held at the park the second Sunday of June for residents who want to plant flowers in memory of a child.
Kathy Boser, who is employed at St. Bonaventure University, has also attended support groups for grandparents called “Missing our Grand Angels.” She also participates in online support groups.
“We are able to talk about our frustrations about not being able to fix this (tragedy) for our children,” Kathy Boser said while breaking into tears. “That’s the hardest part.”
She said the candle lighting event serves that purpose, too, by allowing families to come together for support.
Kathy Boser said children’s names are added to the list for the ceremony each year. She said one little boy from Bradford, Pa., Ethan Fox, who passed away this week, will be added to the list.
On a final note, she said families are welcome to bring ornaments to the event and hang them on the group’s Christmas tree located on the corner of State and Union streets near Santa’s mailbox in Lincoln Park.
For more information, contact Kathy Boser at (716) 904-1838 or by email at kboser@sbu.edu.
