One of the most common jokes in the world and one which continues to this day concerns the number of shoes a woman can accumulate.
Jokes by comedians, comic strips and even commercials all allude to the prodigious numbers of shoes a woman’s closet soon fills with. The perfect shoe for the perfect outfit is a little past me, one pair of brown, one pair of black is all any man really needs. However, I can commiserate with a man trying to find the perfect pair of outdoor foot wear.
My wife would roll her eyes whenever I wandered over to the shoe department or sat bent over a Cabela’s or Gander Mountain catalog eye-balling boots ads.
For far too many years I bought boots that never seemed to satisfy in the field.
Boots that felt just fine on my feet on the nice flat store floor turned into toe mangling monsters slipping and sliding down a steep side hill or walking on rough and uneven terrain. I’d get blisters, sore heels, chafed ankle bones and aching feet.
On top of that, boots advertised to be waterproof seldom held up as advertised. Slowly I became aware that I needed to pay much more attention to the type of footwear I purchased. The number of boots I refused to wear anymore grew and grew and many times dear Jane would look sorrowfully into the closet and shake her head.
The first lesson that slowly became apparent was the necessity for wider sized boots. Normal width foot wear which would be fine at work were too tight for wood conditions. Add a pair of heavy socks and your feet became even more compressed side to side. I also discovered wider soled boots to be more stable than narrow on uneven terrain, saving my feet and ankles at the end of the day.
Six-inch and 8-inch hiking boots can be labor intensive to keep in top condition, especially when wet. Even if your feet stay dry on the inside (minus the sweat factor of course) you still had to clean and then dry them using a boot dryer or another method after a hard day afield. Your boots can really become messy in swampy terrain; covered with mud and all the debris jammed into and underneath boot laces and grommets. If not properly treated, leather cracked, laces rubbed, things can mildew or begin smelling.
Another painful lesson my feet taught me was that boot soles themselves are also very, very important. One pair of hunting boots that fit me nicely unfortunately had very hard, stiff vibram soles. These soles were so hard they didn’t compress at all. Up until that day I was unaware that your soles need to bend and actually form in some degree to the shape of a hard object such as a rock or root to provide grip and traction, preventing the boot from unexpectedly slipping.
Despite these boots aggressive tread, I fell far too many times wearing them, slipped backwards too often taking a quick step, became constantly ill at ease and apprehensive wearing them. The last straw finally came one day during deer season.
My daughter Chrissy, about 16, and I were coming down a steep hillside when I jumped up on a low, bare rock. Those treacherous, hard soled boots immediately shot out from underneath me, pitching off the rock onto a mass of twisted, knobby, beech roots landing on my hands and knees.
I cannot tell you how intense the pain was. My knees were screaming in agony from a dozen different locations, my hands were no better. It hurt so bad the world was a gray haze and I didn’t know what to do, scream, rock back and forth, cuss or simply suffer silently.
Foremost in my mind through this terrible pain was the possibility I had seriously been injured, but so many parts hurt so badly there was simply no way of knowing. Slowly the anguish subsided, there were some gashes, bleeding and bruises, but as knees and fingers often do, the severe pain went away with no serious injury.
When the world returned to clear focus I was most agitated to see Chrissy was in agony too, but hers was from uncontrolled laughing! Tears streamed down her face, her hands were clasped to her sides, she seemed to have absolutely no appreciation of the extreme pain I was in, indeed, she seemed gleefully happy the fall had taken place simply for her uncontrolled amusement. Every time she thought of my feet shooting skyward, the waving arms, horrified expression, short yelp of alarm followed by the thud of impact she broke up.
I yelled angrily at her for being a hard hearted, unfeeling, disrespectful sort of daughter and this triggered another spasm of hilarity on her part that left her gasping for breath. I was more than a little put out and as I limped painfully back to the car and even further irritated to hear additional, though stifled, giggles breaking out behind me.
No wonder some animals eat their young! Those boots stayed in the closet after that.
So, it’s only natural that those of us wishing to do as little maintenance as possible after a hard day in the woods naturally gravitate to all rubber footwear. As a rule rubber boots reach well above the 8-inch height of leather ones allowing you to cross deeper streams, mud and muck, remaining totally water proof at all times. Rubber washes off easily and can be set aside until the next wearing. Not only that, you don’t have to worry about replacing worn laces or those the cat attacked for a bit of fun and chewing.
However, rubber boots are not created equal either! Different types of rubber have different qualities. Some are stiff and not as flexible. Flexible boots are comfortable, but can tear and rip easily. Most are ankle fit, some come off without undue effort and others require strenuous exertion, additional assistance and a chain hoist to remove.
Again, I needed a wider size, a broad heel so my ankle wouldn’t roll over, a stiffer bottom and flexible top while still remaining lightweight. Again, you really have to wear boots a day in the field to determine if they’re the right ones for you.
After years of failure I finally found the boots I love and wear often. My hiking boots I discovered in Wal-Mart of all places. They have a wide, vibram soul, are camo of course, lace up and are extremely light weight. My feet are stable, cool, have room for heavy socks if necessary and allow me to climb hills easily weighing so little. They are fair weather boots for dry hunting conditions, but I’m all right with that.
The boots I find myself wearing more often than any other except during those very warm, dry conditions are my Muck Boots. To be honest, I never thought I could find a pair of boots I love so much. They’re not heavy, are stiff enough around the foot to give excellent support, have good tread and are soft and foamy at the top, reaching up to my knees. I wear them everywhere.
I raved about my Mucks and it wasn’t long until my wife began constantly borrowing them to shovel snow or work around the house when it was wet and muddy. In fact, it appeared to me she began to regard them as half hers, so I purchased her a pair of her very own. She absolutely loves them! Jane’s Mucks are insulated and keep her feet warm with heavy socks in bitter conditions. If you can keep any girls feet warm in the snow strike up the band, that’s saying something.
Next time you plan on buying a pair of boots I hope something mentioned during this article will help you to make a better and more informed decision. Having functional, comfortable, dry, warm feet in the big woods is a wonderful thing.
