Did you know an elephant can smell a human 100 miles away?
I can smell a blowout Super Bowl 2686.7 miles away as the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos meet tomorrow night in Santa Clara, California.
Before we get to Super Bowl 50 — did you also know a 16,500-pound elephant eats 600 pounds of vegetation and drinks 50 gallons a water per day? That’s Just in case you were thinking of getting the kids a pachyderm for the backyard.
And if you had a seven-foot nose your sense of smell would improve, but you’d have to push it out of the way to eat and that would be a dilemma.
The dilemma for the Broncos is that annoying braggart Cam Newton and the Carolina offense and the Panthers defense ain’t nothing to sneeze at. Bless you.
Denver has an excellent track record of getting blown as the Broncos own two of the four worst disparities in Super Bowl history including a 55-10 thanks-for-coming loss to San Francisco in XXIV.
The other top routs were 46-10 by Chicago over New England in XX, Seattle’s 43-8 whipping over Denver in XLVIII and my all-time favorite Dallas over Buffalo 52-17 in Super Bowl XXVII. I guess Buffalo can’t blame Scott Norwood for that one.
Here are the two keys to the game on Sunday. If all eleven and maybe a few extra Broncos defenders can shadow Newton and Peyton Manning doesn’t have to file a Medicare claim by halftime, Denver can stay with Newton and his merry band of men.
If the contest transforms into a runaway I have some alternate programming schedule including curling mixed doubles, a donut showdown on the Cooking Network and why-didn’t-this-win-an-Oscar film noir Pegasus vs. Chimera.
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Good help is hard to find these days.
The grounds crew at Levi’s Stadium had a brain cramp when they erroneously painted the Denver Broncos logo in both end zones in preparation for Super Bowl 50.
I can just hear how that conversation went between the supervisor and one of the workers.
“Hey boss. I’ll finish up the second end zone and then head over to Joe’s Crab Shack for some lunch. Have you tried the Samuel Adams Steampot?. You get sweet Snow crab, 1 pound of clams, meaty lobster claws and smoked sausage all boiled in Samuel Adams Lager.”
“Well that’s what I came to tell ya. You painted both end zones with the Broncos logo.”
“Son of a gun. I did the same thing in Kansas City when I spelled “Chefs.”
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Why didn’t the National Football League incorporate the Roman numeral L instead of 50 this year?
An NFL spokesman said the L wasn’t pleasing to the eye. It took them three years and 73 versions to come up with a logo.
In 2017 it’s back to Roman numerals that will be pleasing to the eye in the Orient as there a billion LI’s in the Chinese phone book.
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I suppose you want my not-so-expert opinion on Super Bowl L. See that L was pleasing to my eye, but I’m due for new glasses.
It will be 45-17 Carolina over Denver, keeping in mind in I forecasted the Dutch over England in the Boer War.
