LOOK UP: We’ve had our eyes on blight in the City of Bradford
for a while now, and apparently, so does Big Brother.
Satellites orbiting the Earth have now been equipped with
special blight-tracking radar that keys in on substandard
properties from above.
The satellite, fittingly, is called the BLIGHT — Bradford’s
Laser Identified Garbage Homes Tracker — System. After the
billion-dollar installation fee, this new system will drastically
cut the costs involved with tracking and eliminating blight.
Blighted properties within the city will be identified and the
owners will be given 30 days to rectify the problem. If nothing is
done, the satellite is equipped with a laser system — to be
operated by the city’s Code Enforcement Department — that will
“zap” the property from the sky, eliminating any building or
detritus on the property.
“We’re expecting a lot of empty lots in the city real soon,”
said Code Enforcement Officer George Corignani. “This may be an
answer to our prayers.”
THOSE NAMES: We’re sure no one has forgotten the area’s brush
with Hollywood last year during the filming of the movie
“Unstoppable,” which is due for release in November.
And Hollywood sure hasn’t forgotten Bradford. “Unstoppable” star
Lew Temple tells us he’s begun planning for a reality show based on
the area’s people — those with names that already ring a bell.
The show will follow Kane funeral director Ronald McDonald,
Bradford pastor Bart Simpson and Ormsby resident Cindy Crawford.
“What’s it like to go through life with a famous name?” Temple
asks, and sets out to show the world the ups and downs of a
well-known moniker.
FRANK’S WISH: Red tape and bureaucracy with the state’s
Department of Environmental Protection may be a thing of the past.
We’ve heard the DEP is opening a regional office in Lewis Run, to
be headed by longtime Borough Council President Frank
Langianese.
“For years, I’ve been saying the DEP should have somebody in
there who knows something,” Frank said. “I finally got my
wish.”
APRIL 1: OK, you caught us. It’s April Fool’s Day and none of
the above is true — yet. We thank the news staff for putting
together today’s jokes. We hope you enjoyed it.
