NEW MASCOT: Sen. Joe Scarnati, R-Brockway, now in charge of the
Pennsylvania Senate, tells us he and fellow Republicans are
considering changing the state’s mascot to the elephant, as a
living symbol of the GOP.

Furthermore, he wants to spend the region’s stimulus money
turning the Allegheny National Forest into a better habitat for
elephants! Rep. Martin Causer, R-Turtlepoint, is backing Scarnati’s
move, and has advocated removing all oil and gas operations from
the national forest to change the land over to peanut farming.

“The Pennsylvania Pachyderms has a nice ring to it,” Scarnati
said. “We can promote that like the Pennsylvania Wilds.”

DAM NEWS: Speaking of the Allegheny National Forest, we also got
word recently that the Forest Service may move Kinzua Dam farther
south on the Allegheny River unless this part of the state attracts
more tourists.

Although the dam was touted as a tourist mecca when first
proposed back in the 1950s, it has yet to live up to its potential
– at least at its location just upstream from Warren. To keep the
overall tourism plan viable, new options downstream are being
considered with studies under way by the Army Corps of
Engineers.

A final location has yet to be decided and the Forest Service
will hold a series of public meetings to gather input on
locations.

MAIN WAY: Not to be outdone, Bradford Mayor Tom Riel has
proposed turning Main Street into a walking and biking trail –
eliminating vehicle traffic completely.

This will help the downtown in several aspects, including
eliminating greenhouse gases and unsightly motor vehicles from the
Historic District and eliminating the need for the much-debated
parking meters downtown.

Boylston Street, with the new incredibly bright streetlights,
will double as a landing strip for any fly-in traffic from
tourists. Therefore, the street will be closed to vehicles from 6
to 10 p.m. daily.

“Getting from one side of town to the other might seem a little
tough, but remember, we’re all in this together,” Riel said.

Rickshaw transportation will be available for a small fee,
payable to the city’s general fund. City resident Dave Newman, who
already patrols the downtown as a vigilant citizen, will be primary
rickshaw driver.

NOT SO: OK, so we stretched the truth a little for April Fool’s
Day. Our thanks to reporters who contributed this year’s yarns.