(Editor’s note: This is the last in a series of stories in
recognition of National Child Abuse Awareness Month. Various
experts from agencies throughout McKean County spoke to The Era
about children at different age groups, what makes them vulnerable
to possible abuse and steps to take for prevention.)
Teenagers are nearly adults – learning to drive, getting jobs,
taking on more responsibilities – and are quickly becoming
strangers in their own homes, which is stressful to the teen and
the parents.
“With a teen, it’s as if every parent is starting over,” said
Ron Hammersley, Strengthening Families program coordinator. “It’s
not the cute, cuddly kid anymore. The child says it to the parent.
The parent says it to the kid.”
He explained through the Strengthening Families program, the
parent and teen are assisted with bonding again.
“This is a new person, trying to be an adult,” Hammersley said.
“They are expanding their surroundings with the Internet. Their
environment is the whole world.”
With teen development, their bodies may seem big and gawky,
causing the child to be more clumsy or self conscious. And a parent
may become easily frustrated at this new-found clumsiness.
“Just cool down. Take some time out,” Hammersley said.
A strong set of established rules maintained throughout the
child’s life will make a difference when it comes to the teen
years. When the teen is confronted with peer pressure, those family
values are the first defense, said Betty Jo Wilcox, Strengthening
Families program coordinator.
Communication is key.
“‘Just Say No’ is great, but it isn’t enough,” Hammersley said.
Kids need to know how to handle a situation after they say no to
peer pressure. Strengthening Families teaches parents how to back
that information up, he explained.
“Kids know right from wrong,” he said. He’s worked with juvenile
offenders in the past, and they would all feel the same way – they
knew better, but hadn’t ever been told not to do something bad.
“They need to sit down and talk about it,” he explained.
Harris said this is not the time for a parent to drop his guard,
as decisions made by a teen can impact the rest of his life – such
as teen pregnancy, drug use or arrests.
“You can teach them the right choices in a positive, pro-social
manner,” Hammersley said.
Teresa Wilcox, director of McKean County Juvenile Probation,
explained that the time when teens tend to get in the most trouble
is right after school.
“Run through the questions with them,” Hammersley said, “who,
what, when, where.”
Ask the teen what they are doing, who they will be with, where
they will be. Make it a habit of doing that throughout the child’s
life, and by the time he or she is a teen, it will be commonplace
to tell parents the truth, Teresa Wilcox said.
“Rules have to start when they are little,” said Kelly Davis,
family development specialist of the Smethport Family Center. “If
you keep with them, kids will follow them.”
“When they are teens, they are kind of joining a second family –
their peers,” explained Gladys Lacourt-Pelka, family development
specialist of Bradford Family Center. And what is wrong at home
should be wrong in their second family as well, she said.
“It’s never to late” to establish rules, added Greta Billings,
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Prevention specialist. “It will be
difficult, but it can be done. Rules can always be brought on
board.”
She said that getting parents to remember how “horrible, awkward
and difficult” the teen years were for themselves can help prevent
a parent becoming frustrated and angry at the child to the point of
resorting to physical violence.
“Know as a parent what your limits are,” Teresa Wilcox said.
“The little things that could be resolved become a stressor.
Parents need to know their stressors so it doesn’t become an abuse
situation.”
Keep communicating – whether it’s at a family meal, a family
meeting or even during a car ride.
“Parents are so worried about being the teen’s friend,” Davis
said, saying rules fall by the wayside when a parent is trying to
please a child. “If you have rules, they’ll respect you.”
“When a parent has an infant, the parent doesn’t hesitate to get
on the phone and ask for help,” Hammersley said. “When they have a
teen, why aren’t they asking? The help’s here.”
“Even the schools have programs,” Billings said. “There’s a lot
out there. It takes more strength and courage to make that call.
It’s really important to do that.”
Lee Sizemore, director of programs for The Guidance Center, gave
an example of when a parent has a teen who won’t attend school.
“Call (Children and Youth Services) for truancy issues,” she said.
“A lot of people reach out when they feel they can’t do anything
else.”
“We’re happy to be asked for help,” said Duane Wolfe, CYS
director. “It’s so much easier than dealing with abuse.”
Pelka explained the programs offered are all flexible, and are
aimed at helping the whole family.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” Billings
said. “It’s true.”
