HEDONISTS’ HEAVEN: If you’re among those who don’t bother with
New Year’s resolutions about finally losing those pesky pounds, you
might want to plan a trip to the Heart Attack Grill in Arizona.

There, in the heart of Tempe, is the home of the Triple Bypass
Burger and Flatliner Fries.

Their motto is “Taste Worth Dying For,” but it’s more than just
a slogan, the owners contend on their Web site. “It’s the core of a
philosophy which understands that life is short so one should ‘Eat,
Drink, and be Merry!’

“Ours is a world in which insane political correctness stands as
a barrier between the average man and his pursuit of happiness,”
their Web site continues.

“The Heart Attack Grill offers a well-deserved respite of
comfort and simplicity. Pondering ‘Single, Double, or Triple’ and
‘Go with a Bud or go with a Heineken’ are the toughest mental
gymnastics that anyone should have to perform.’ “

Their menu proves it, too. Besides the fries (“Fried in Pure
Lard,” they advertise), and the triple bypass burger, they also
offer a Quadruple Bypass burger (2 pounds of meat, plus lettuce,
cheese, tomatoes, onions and bacon).

An additional bonus for those opting for the triple and
quadruple bypass burger is wheelchair service. Their waitresses,
who are dressed as nurses (much to the chagrin of the Arizona State
Board of Nursing), will wheel customers out of the restaurants in a
wheelchair after they “have completed (their) procedures,” i.e.,
ingested the cholesterol- and carb-heavy meal.

To complete their politically incorrect menu, they also offer
Marlboro cigarettes, beer and soda.

We must say that as unhealthy as this menu sounds, we have to
smile at a slogan that recognizes the reality of human nature.
Sometimes the stress caused by failing to keep those New Year’s
resolutions might be just as unhealthy as an evening spent at the
Heart Attack Grill.

COMING SOON: William Carl called to tell us that 2007 will be
the 87th year of the American Legion Post 574 in Mount Jewett, a
post which “has served this community, state and nation.”

Mr. Carl, a D-Day veteran, is himself is a 62-year member of the
Legion. In fact, the post has a dozen or so members who have logged
the same amount of time.

“I don’t know if there’s another American Legion Post in McKean
County who can match this,” he adds.