(Editor’s note: This personal account was submitted by Leslie
Carson Flowers in conjunction with Oct. 15, Pregnancy and Infant
Loss Awareness Day. A 6th grade teacher at Fretz Middle School,
Leslie is the daughter of John and Theresa Carson of Bradford. Her
husband, Jason, is the son of Michael and Marsha Flowers. He is a
supervisor at Bradford Forest Products.)

My husband and I were expecting our first baby, a boy, in June
of this year. Both of our families were looking forward to their
first grandchild, and his room was ready, thanks to his talented
father.

We had chosen a name, Carson Michael, and were planning for a
very busy summer. I was going to the doctor every week at the time
when May 18 came.

The nurse was checking me in, blood pressure, weight, and, of
course, the baby’s heartbeat.

She had trouble finding it, so she asked the doctor to give it a
try. At the time, I thought nothing of it, until I saw the doctor’s
face. He couldn’t find the heartbeat on the ultrasound, and I
remember saying, “What do you mean,” about 20 times.

To make a long story short, I was taken to the hospital and my
son was stillborn by c-section on May 18, 2006.

That was the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster for my
husband and me.

Millions of things ran through our minds. What did we do wrong?
Could this have been prevented? What happens next? Why? Why?
Why?

I learned the next day that I was not the only first-time mom to
lose a baby on May 18. Melissa, a girl I graduated with, lost her
baby shortly after birth that same day. Not that I wanted someone
else to go through the same thing as me, but it was slightly
comforting to know that my husband and I were not alone.

The amount of support we received was more than overwhelming.
Memorials, cards, food, and gifts poured into our house for weeks,
not to mention all of our family and friends. We do not know what
we would have done without them, and we cannot thank them enough!
Our son was loved even though he never took one breath.

Each day gets better, but we will always have those emotional
moments when we cannot stop thinking about what might have been.
Talking, and in this case, writing about it definitely helps. We
plan on trying again soon and hope for better days ahead.

About a month ago, I was “surfing the net” looking for
information on stillbirth and pregnancy loss.

I learned that the cause of stillbirth is found only about 1/3
of the time. In most cases, for lack of a better term, it is
something that just happens. After tests, we found that they could
not pinpoint the cause of death for my son.

The greatest information I found that day was about Oct. 15.
This is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. What a wonderful
way to remember babies that left this earth too soon!

The folks at www.october15th.com are asking everyone to light a
candle at 7 p.m. on the 15th in honor of our little angels. And
keep your candle burning for at least an hour, so that remembrance
candles are burning for 24 hours around the world.

Wearing pink or blue would also be a great way to show your
support for these special babies and their families. If you or
someone you know has lost a child in the early stages of life,
please check out the website mentioned above.

And be sure to light a candle.