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Maybe Pitt should play Coastal Carolina
By GREG CLARK
Era Sports Writer
Monday was a beautiful September morning in State College.
The sun glistened brightly on the Penn State campus and life was good.
The weekend was an enormous success as the Nittany Lions had demolished the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers 66-10. There were 2,355 arrests at frat parties, but none involved football players.
Around 9:37 a.m. the phone rang at the Penn State athletic office.
Riiiinnnggggg. Nice special effects, heh?
“Good morning. Penn State Athletics. How may I help you?”
“I’m calling from Pitt. Can you give me Coastal Carolina’s number? The Bowling Green thing didn’t work out so well.”
“I’m sorry sir they don’t have a phone. Besides, you don’t want to play them in football. They only brought 11 players and six were sent to the hospital after the opening kickoff. We took our entire defense off the field with five minutes left in the game and 10 plays later Coastal Carolina scored. It was embarrassing.”
“Sounds like a perfect fit for us. We got some bad information when we scheduled Bowling Green. We thought it was an actual bowling school and five overweight guys carrying a keg would show up. And the whole deal with Bowling Green and the orange uniforms really messed with our heads.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I can give you Notre Dame’s number.”
“Notre Dame still has a football team?”
I did some extensive research on the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers.
It is a Division I school of approximately seven thousand students located in Conway (SC), which is roughly 35 miles up the holler from Hooterville. Turn left at Drucker’s and it’s just down yonder a spell.
The Chanticleers are members of the Big South Conference and their Brooks Stadium holds 6,408 or a typical restroom line at Beaver Stadium.
Their home opener this weekend with Colgate (a top dental school) has been moved to Sunday because of Tropical Storm Hanna. No sense getting blown out two weeks in a row.
According to Webster (the dictionary dude and not the TV midget dude), a Chanticleer is a male domestic rooster. It is from the French words ‘chanter cler’ or ‘sing clear.’ And you thought you couldn’t learn anything from reading this.
There is also a Chanticleer Garden outside of Philadelphia. Admission is free. Go to their web site if you want the hours of operation. I’ve given you way too much information already.
There are Chanticleer Inns in Eagle River, Wis., Chattanooga Tenn., Lookout Mountain, Ga. and Ashland, Ore. The one in Ashland is right next to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. “Friends, Oregonians, countrymen, lend me your ears.”
And finally -- the Chanticleer Community Theater in Council Bluffs, Iowa is currently showing “Annie.” Good seats are still available.
Before we get to the picks, I have one more item to mention regarding the aforementioned July family outing in the New York City area.
We spent the last afternoon at Coney Island, which is basically a glorified garbage dump.
I will spread a towel in my cat’s litter box before I go back there.
To offset production costs this season, I am forced to take on a weekly sponsor. This week’s column is brought to you by the Coney Island Tourism Bureau.
Here are this week’s picks:
Central Michigan (1-0) at #2 Georgia (1-0)
Might as well play the real Michigan....Georgia by 35.
Ohio (0-1) at #3 Ohio State (1-0)
Buckeyes are praying nobody else gets hurt with #1 USC on the horizon....Ohio State by 27.
Cincinnati (1-0) at #4 Oklahoma (1-0)
No Ocho Cinco on this Cincy team....Oklahoma by 34.
Miami (1-0) at #5 Florida (1-0)
Hurricanes could be playing in one....Florida by 13.
Southeast Missouri (1-0) at #6 Missouri (1-0)
They haven’t met since 1936 for this reason....Missouri by 47.
#8 West Virginia (1-0) at East Carolina (1-0)
I smell an upset and Coney Island trash....East Carolina by 3.
Southern Mississippi (1-0) at #9 Auburn (1-0)
Both played unimpressive Louisiana-hyphened teams last week....Auburn by 16.
#10 Texas (1-0) at UTEP (0-1)
The will be no dancing in the streets of El Paso....Texas by 31.
Oregon State (0-1) at Penn State (1-0)
I have a bad feeling about this game and the rest of my life....Oregon State by 1.
Buffalo (1-0) at Pittsburgh (0-1)
Might as well flip a coin at this point....Pittsburgh by 7.
Colgate (0-1) at Coastal Carolina (0-1)
Chanticleers get another pasting from....Colgate by 28.
The rest: Boston College over Georgia Tech by 3, UConn over Temple by 10, Syracuse over Akron by 11, Clemson over The Citadel by 39, Wake Forest over Mississippi by 14, Virginia over Richmond by 25, Alabama over Tulane by 23, Duke over Northwestern by 4, Memphis over Rice by 3, Michigan over Miami (Ohio) by 17, Wisconsin over Marshall by 21, Nebraska over San Jose State by 20, Kansas over Louisiana Tech by 35, Oklahoma State over Houston by 16, BYU over Washington by 11, Oregon over Utah State by 24, Wyoming over Air Force by 2, Washington State over California by 1, Utah over UNLV by 15, Arizona over Toledo by 23 and Arizona State over Stanford by 12.
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